Hidey ho' there neighbors!
Ever have that frozen pizza that you "upgraded" before throwing it in the oven? Well I'm about to tell you the secret to making sure it is the best you've ever had every time!
Tonight I was walking through my local Albertons looking for something to cook for dinner. There were quite a few pieces of dead animal that looked tempting but in the end I kept ending up looking at the four cheese Freshetta with the self rising crust. Now if you're ever in the market for a good frozen pizza give this brand a try, I feel that what stands it apart is a much better sauce which really brings it together. The "Brickoven" style is pretty crappy, and I have not tried their thin crust, but I'd steer clear of that as well.
So, back to the 100% guaranteed way to make kick ass pizza at home or your money back.
I decided while walking around with my pizza that I needed three other things.
1. MORE CHEESE!
2. TOMATOES (roma)
3. B A S I L
This of course. Is really all the toppings needed for the best pizza, ever, ever, ever, duh.
So I got home and proceeded to get to work. Slicing the tomato, chopping the basil and leaving a few full sized leafs and then (this was the hard part) opening the ziploc style pre-grated mozzarella cheese bag thingy. I removed the pizza from the freezer and then opened the box, there was this cute sticker saying that they were better then delivery pizza, which I do not agree with. They can't hold a candle to delivery pizza for one very simple reason, I don't have to do anything else then to hand some retard $12.00 to eat, well, that and make a phone call but you know what I'm saying. ANYWAY.
Looking at the pizza in front of me I decided to first tear 6-7 full basil leaves into quarter and half pieces and evenly distribute them on the pizza. This feat was followed with yours truly laying down sliced roma tomatoes on this pie o' love. I continued by then taking my chopped basil of around 5-6 full pieces and sprinkling it all over concentrating on the crust area and then topping this with an additional two handfuls (about 1/3-1/2 of a cup of shredded mozzarella) cheese so that I could still see the tomatoes and stuff but they had some cheese on them.
This is where I had my breakthrough.
When Mr. Pizza Rocket Scientist designs a frozen pizza it must go a little something like this when they're doing the cooking directions:
X amount of weight at 30 degrees will need Y amount of heat and Z amount of time to cook properly.
I realized that I never take into account that my damn toppings are not frozen. My piazzas always turn out underdone on the bottom or overdone on the top. I decided to do was to put the pizza with the new toppings back in the freezer for 20 minutes and play around with the cooking time. I figured since I am adding mass which will take more energy to heat I'll need to cook it longer, but I didn't want to worry about overcooking it so I reduced the temp from 400 to 375. Then I figured if I cook it on the minimum time of 19 minutes at this temp it'll end up "just done" with a soft bottom but the top will not be bubbling away. At which point I can crank the heat to 450 for 3-5 minutes to allow the bottom burner in the oven to turn on thus allowing more heat on the bottom and getting the top to brown a little too with the temp spike.
It worked well. Very well. I almost slit my wrists after eating the first piece so I would never be disappointed with a pizza ever again, but after realizing that I still had half a beer left I knew that I would never be able to go through with it.
I'm going to eat the rest of it for breakfast.... Can't wait to get to sleep so I can wake up and eat it!
Music: Earlimart
Movie: Talladega Nights
Stuff: Zebasearch.com
